Chances

The past two weeks have been really tough. Greyson has barely slept, which means nobody in the Martin house is resting well, causing lots of grumpy kids. A new nightly ritual is that while we are eating dinner, G will impulsively throw his entire plate of food on the floor and scream bloody murder. He typically runs upstairs to the nursery and has a tantrum for about 1-2 hours until he’s completely worn out.

The lack of sleep is extremely hard on us, both mentally and physically, but I am hopeful that this is just a rough patch. G did see the neurologist last week and they switched when he takes his meds around, hoping to relieve some of his nausea, drowsiness and aggression. Unfortunately, this combination of meds has caused Greyson to become extremely aggressive. The aggression is typically taken out on the dog, then me and Roslynn. The PTSD and severe anxiety from previous attacks, has left Roz completely terrified of G. He utters a tiny whine, and she’s hiding and screaming that he’s “going to get me (her)”. This is really difficult too. It ends up being a vicious cycle: G freaks out, Roz freaks out, G freaks out because Roz is freaking out, causing G to become more aggressive and angry.

Towards the end of last week, G had run out of 2 of his prescriptions, so we were out of luck. The insurance was holding off on refilling them due to the need of labs and information from the doc before they would approve anything. The few days that he was without any medicine were the best days that he has had in the past few months. Almost immediately after we started up the meds again, Greyson was back to his aggressive self. Every single night since restarting meds, G has been tired, grumpy, aggressive and overall miserable. Derek and I have both been in agreement with this, but we have decided to take our chances.

The thought that Greyson could have a seizure and have serious issues, is absolutely terrifying. As much as I want to feel confident and comfortable with our decisions, deep down I am so scared and worried. Since stopping the meds, he’s been so happy, energetic and sweet. He’s finally smiling, laughing and able to enjoy things like toys and playing with Roslynn.

I try really hard to put myself in Greyson’s shoes. I know that I would never want to be drugged up all day on several meds, crying and screaming because I am so tired and feel awful. The chances of G having a seizure are high without his meds, but having the risk of seizures is much better than the negative side effects from the meds.

Difficult decisions and discussions are expected in a marriage and family. I never expected that we would be making decisions that could impact our baby’s life forever. I certainly hope that we are taking the right chances and making the best decision for him.